have you forgotten me? :'(

have you ever been in love? horrible isn’t it?
it makes you so vulnerable.

it opens up your chest and your heart
and that means someone can get inside and mess you up.
you build up all these defenses,
you build up this whole armor for years
so that nothing could hurt you.

then one stupid person,
no different from other stupid person,
wanders into your stupid life.

you gave them a piece of you,
you break your own defenses, you give it all out.

they don’t ask for it.
but they do something dumb like a kiss or smile at you,
and then your stupid life isn’t your own anymore.

you tend to keep thinking of stupid and insane stuffs to hurt and destroy yourself which you used to hate people doing that because it's stupid. if there's really one such day you really gone from this earth forever, would that person even care? you've alr said that you'll give up on him and forget him forever, are you really able to do so?

the amount of tears you've lost equivalent to the total tears of the past 19 years. you go to bed late. you can't sleep. you cry to sleep every single night. even when you're blogging right now. even when you're bathing, the tears just flow with the water. even when you had a whole day of fun. even when your manicure turned out perfect. even when you've just done so many happy stuffs like shopping etc. even when you tried every means to be happy. at this rate, you're going to be blind soon.

sometimes the amount of hurt sums up to hate,
and why do you hate? because you still care.

love takes hostage and it gets inside of you, eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness when everyone's asleep. so a simple phrase like “ maybe we should just be friends.” turned into a glass splinter working its way piercing through your heart.

it hurts, not just in the imagination.
not just in the mind, but also body-hurt,
a real hurt gets inside you and rips you apart.

then you realise,
it's better to be loved than to love.
it's better to be selfish to others than to yourself,
it's better to not put in so much for anybody anymore.
it's better to close your heart forever.

i don't know what to do.
someone teach me please~

who will i run to? :'[