a letter to darling boy.

i wish i could do this in person while you hold me in your arms and me gazing into your eyes. but since we are physically separated by miles of emptiness, this expression must come in the form of letter such as this.

it was a total shock for me when you told me in the morning, that you had to be admitted into the hospital for at least two weeks again, all along i thought your checkup will be okay and you'll be able to start your normal walking soon again. and when during the night while i was outside, you were telling me you're going into the operation theatre already, it just sends loads of chills down my spine, i'm so at a loss. my mind was in a blank. i do not know what will happen to me if something bad happens to you(touchwood!). thank God it didn't. how i wish you'd tell me it's april fools. how i wish it was just a silly prank from you. but sadly no, it isn't :'(

i hate that woman, the woman who banged you down while you were on your bike few months ago. if she didn't, you'll not feel so much pain on your legs right now. and that doctor, the doctor who didnt put that something inside your leg properly in the previous operation, and making you having to do another operation just now cos of that. sue him please.

the thoughts of you, being alone at night in the ward, just after the operation feeling worn out and pain in your legs, worries me so much. how i longed to be there for you, beside you every minute and every second. sigh. i need to control my tears and be a brave woman just like how you are like that so brave man facing the knives. furthermore, you did not have enough sleep before your operation isn't it? if i'd have known, i should have forced you to sleep early the previous night. but i didn't. i should ought to sense it earlier and not talked to you from the night till 9 in the morning, and from there you go straight to the hospital.

i really want you to rest well as you've just finished your operation, thus i demanded you to hang up our phone and go to sleep just now. flashes of my thoughts, you having to be poked with needles through your skin makes me feel a deep stab of pain in my heart, the amount of antibiotics you need to take in, sigh. i wish they do help.

but since all has been done. i'll just pray hard for you that you'll recover asap. it'll be my best birthday present ever, really. i could wish for no more.

i love how you love me, and aren't afraid to show it. i wish you were right beside me now, but it's alright (: like i said, we have plenty of chances ahead. don't feel sad, dont blame yourself. it's not your fault. you didnt want yourself to be in this situation either. am glad that my sms made you forget your pains. if that's really so, i'd sms you every moment i can.

remember what we said last night? all the things we wanna do after you recover?
i'm so excited and am so looking forward to fulfilling every single one of em (:

i miss you, my boy.


the test of love is not when we are together.
it comes when we are not together and realise that despite the distance,
the love is still there.