heart attacks.

some things are better left unknown, the truth is so heartwrenching.
well, yes it's all in the past past past. what could i say more?
truth hurts. but what if the truth is just a facade. you still hafta go on with life.
lungs are bursting for air and i felt they're even gasping for air.

because forgive and forget is a skill to learn to be a happy person.
forget because i know ppl said it in a moment of folly, and i know ppl don't mean it.
forget the misunderstandings. forget all unhappiness that was led to. let it go.

forget forget~
trying, i know i will be able to.

like what Joker in Dark Knight said, "I've been through it. I'll be okay".
its all about gaining something, and losing something at the same time.

so many unhappy events that occured in 2008.
it's just that i choose not to ramble out here,
in the public.

stop being judgemental, yet only judge using your eyes and heart.
be honest with friends when there's a miscommunication.
always live up to your own conscience and speak truths.
don't meddle with other people's business if it has nothing to do with you.
don't squeeze your way to earn friendships over gossips and small acts.

it's a blessing in disguise that things do happen, maybe for a reason.
let's all learn to be a better person/friend/lover.

exams are approaching in a week and my sense of urgency is fianlly ticking me. should just set my piorities right , get things started and be focused for there are more important things in life like, education.

how can i deceive myself?
i act magnanimous, i try to be so much so i convinced myself i was.
i am. i should be.

my dream is what matters now.




"living in a society is like a complex board game, throwing the right dice, saying the apt words and playing the part will be the determinent of the life that turns out to be. simple philosophy prescribes that wants not, expect not then you shall not be let down. conversely, inter alia, to want and to have expectations, will lead to varying degrees of disappointment and cruelly at times, dismay."


wordplay.

never mind if you dont understand this verse,
as long as i do.

and another issue.

what kind of a person am i, i know jolly well much.
i need not answer to anyone, and friends who know me inside out know.

and to think that one of my besties from sec sch actually climbed on my back regarding the sec1 issue which is soooooooooooooooo damn long ago like WOW 6 years ago lol she can bring up old grandmother stories alr. like when's the first time she wore pampers and suck milk etc ya. which is that she didn't even state the entire TRUE story out, only her OWN one-sided story and conclusion.

up till now even if it's 6 years ago,
i didn't do means didnt.

yes, another issue she said. me and another girl did turn our backs against on her once which she remembered till now. but it's freaking sec 1 you know? you mean during sec1 people wouldn't get childish? why bear grudges till now when you are going to hit the big2 alr? or maybe she suffered a bad childhood trauma so that's why. i don't even remember what happened since its so long ago, please refresh my brain. i was petty when i was in lower sec and wanted everything to go my way no matter what, but i've changed isit it?

she said to my gf : " she and one of our evil friends bullied me during sec 1" .

lol.
ya still stuck in sec 1 ya. lol

then what, do i need to bring up what she did years ago?
whatever nasty things she did to me during sec4 just because a guy she likes is wooing me,
which i don't even harbour any thoughts on him and even drifted from him cos of her okay?
and the many times, money she borrowed and perhaps deliberately forgotten about it?
had me awkwardly ask for it politely while it dragged for so long to return?
it's not a small sum by the way, and ya for those small sums she once borrowed,
i didn't even ask them back from her.

when she needed money for rebonding i lent it to her without 2nd thoughts.
how much do you need for good rebonding ? you can guess the amount.
not little for a sec sch kid.

did i ever bring it up before until now?
because money is a sensitive issue and it affects friendship.
and i swear i once thought she's a good person, like good natured.
always telling myself to turn a blind eye on her raking up the past.

things that workmates actually said about her behind her back.
all along, i kept quiet of their gossips of her until they told me what i was said.
that is why few months ago, i told one of my sec sch besties that she'd changed alot.
or perhaps she didnt change at all, it's all in the blood?

not the first time she did it.
well i hope she sees this and do some reflection then.
look at the friends she had in close contact after graduation.
perhaps 1, 2 only or none?

even when i had seldom contacts with her cos of school,
she was still a good friend, to me.

even when i went overseas,
i even thought of her and bought her stuffs she mentioned.
she didnt even said a proper " thank you " okay.

she herself was a criminal, i got to know it recently.
got bailed out before, etc.

when i'm typing, my anger went up.
have learnt how to curb my hot temper.
right now, is to stay cool stay cool stay cool stay cool.

secondary school friends, sure to meet conflicts on the way to graduation esp close friends.
who don't right? but it's regarding how you handle it, forget em and really smile genuinely,
not bringing up and using them as weaspons like knives to kill.

i find it so meaningless man.
if i'd want to say, i'd have said alot more.

who don't gossip?
but learn it the right way and gossip true stuffs (:

" Never explain.
Your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe it anyway. "

(: